Forgive me Father, For I have sinned
This is not the post that I was intending for today. It has been a wonderful and odd day and I don’t feel like writing tonight.
I couldn’t sleep last (Saturday) night because I was too excited for church and for brunch with my Bible study small group. I finally fell asleep around 5:30 a.m. after tossing and turning for four hours. I didn’t make it to the morning service, rolled out of bed and got ready and over to Madison’s house just in time to take a deep breath before the guests began to arrive. I was worried about sharing the kitchen with the other ladies as I prepared breakfast, but I spent some time asking for grace on the drive over. The time in the kitchen went swimmingly. Our Bible study time is usually divided into three segments—nosh on delectable snacks; introduction of the evening’s study/scripture/discussion/prayer; nail painting (we are girls!). I love how our group interacts and our focus and devotion each week. Today’s went like this…nosh on breakfast; cultural discussion; watched Billy Corben’s Cocaine Cowboys. Sometimes it is just about spending time with some pretty amazing people.
ACT I, Scene 1
I did go to church. Madison and I went to the 6 p.m. service. So glad she made me go. Not happy that I cried like a baby several times during the service.
I went into the service almost in tears sharing with Little Murr how I miss the ex-man. Let’s call him Jack for this exercise. I thought I was missing the idea of having a boyfriend, but I actually miss Jack. (I know, I’ve not finished that story).
ACT 1, Scene 2
The homily today was about Grace (as is every Sunday), but today’s came from John 8: 1-11. Read it. Ask yourself how is Grace transforming you.
During the service, I remembered the story of the woman who hemmoraged for 12 years and how when she grabbed Jesus’ robe she was healed (Luke 8:43-47). I started crying and crying in church and all I wanted to do was to grab onto his robe. I actually wrote that down in my notes.
ACT I, Scene 3
It dawned on me today that I have not been reading the Bible or setting aside time each day to be still and praise Him. I normally go to church on Sunday, spend time on Sunday re-writing my notes from the sermon and studying them. I don’t touch the Bible again until Thursday night’s Bible study. This should be like bathing each day. I take time to shower every day, sometimes multiple times during the day and I can’t find 10, 15, 30 minutes to develop a stronger relationship with my Father? I practiced my violin outside of my organized lesson. I practiced my dance routines outside of class. I practiced tennis outside of team practice and even during the off-season. Studying the Bible is just like my sport or music practice. It has to be done outside of the formal weekly meeting. It only too me 36 years to figure that one out.
Those were the tears for the first part of the evening.
I dropped Madison off at her office and went upstairs to pick up my check for working football camp. It is always wonderful and sad to walk into the football suite since June. It does feel nice that the guys/coaches/staff misses me, and that I am still welcome there and they are excited to engage in conversation, but it also makes me sad that I am not there for them. It doesn’t help when I run into players during their break.
“LT we miss you. Why did you have to leave us?”
That absolutely breaks my heart. I had to leave you guys. I will always be your biggest supporter and I will still call you and tell you to take that crap off of Twitter. I will always want only the best for you and hope that you continue to represent the University as excellent ambassadors both in the classroom and on the field.
A.J. Highsmith, Lamar Miller, LT & Mike James — December 2011 — Banquet
This will all make sense when I share the psychology of the career choices that we make.
I really wish my mentee would realize that I am the teacher and she is the student. She made me cry tonight. These were her words…”please remember regardless of how you see yourself, you are an amazing woman.”
Ms. Sherraine Pencil with her mentor.